"I dream that you batter away at me until my joints come apart like wax, and I fall into pieces" delves into the intertwined realms of homosexuality, martyrdom, and mortality. Through a lens that spans from historical figures like Saint Sebastian to gay painters during the HIV epidemic like Patrick Angus and Hugh Steers, the essay navigates the complexities of desire, shame, and societal perception. It traces the trajectory of homoeroticism in art, from Renaissance paintings to modern sculptures, illuminating the enduring struggle for visibility and acceptance faced by the LGBTQ+ community. The narrative weaves personal introspection with an analysis of cultural iconography, culminating in a reinterpretation of Saint Sebastian as a symbol of queer resilience and defiance. In its exploration of mortality and extinction, the essay unveils the interconnectedness of individual identity with broader societal narratives, inviting readers to contemplate the delicate interplay between desire and societal constraints.